Tuesday, February 21

Our security officer, the comedian*

Back when I was interviewing for this job, I had a run-in with the front desk security man (I can't find the effing link but I know I've posted about it; I'll update later and elaborate if I can't ever find it). I've been working here for more than a year, and we've exchanged greetings in passing, but not much more than that.

Then he called my extension today and asked if I was busy. I was, but when security calls you, you tend to make time.

"Can you meet me down in the lobby?" he asked.

I agreed and made the journey down to his post.

"Where is your cell phone?" he asked.

I had to think a minute. "In my car. No, it's at my desk."

"At your desk?"

"Yeah, but it's on silent." Thinking he was probably trying to contact my old cell, which is riding around with Phil, I pondered whether I should explain that I have a new one but that both are still in commission.

"So what company is your phone with?"

Cingular, I told him.

"Okay. So what happens when you don't pay that bill every month? Do they cut it off?"

"Uh, I have no idea. I guess so."

"You've never had that happen before?"

I wondered if I should explain to him that my parents have held me captive on their family plan for years and years, so they could call me for free (local 731 number for them) at any time (while just paying a cool $10 for me to be on the plan), so I have not had the pleasure of paying for my own phone until just now, and I only recently got my first bill.

"Well, not yet at least, because I have a new phone that I'm paying for now. See, up until recently, I was on my parents' plan, so I didn't handle the bill." I explained the situation to him. I left out the part where, for the past four or five years, my dad, every time I would bring up getting my own number and plan, would strong-arm me into just saving my money and keeping my number local for them to call for free.

The security man listened to my pathetic confused rambling for a bit.

"So you've never seen one of these?" He revealed an envelope addressed to Cingular. One 37 cent stamp was joined in the corner by two raggedy one-cent stamps found by accident in the console of a car: The work of someone who keeps forgetting to go to the post office to get new stamps.

It was my bill. I had apparently let it fall out of my car door and into the parking lot.

And thus the battle of wits was over, and I had made a pathetic showing.

*This whole incident reminds me of the scene in the Office Christmas special when Tim's new desk neighbor -- the obnoxious pregnant lady -- shows him the memo he wrote and says "You want me to send this ... as is?" and Tim doesn't get what the hell point she's trying to make until she says "Because is IS 2002!" (or whatever year). She could have just fixed the typo or asked him to fix it, but instead, she creates this maze of confusion for Tim to dance in, and it's beyond awkward and frustrating.

1 Comments:

Blogger phallicpen said...

Yes! That scene is awesome.

'Cause it is 2002.

Tue Feb 21, 05:48:00 PM  

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