Wednesday, January 11

Welcome, senator (or senator's intern)

Someone found T&G yesterday by Google BlogSearching "Jeff Sessions." This someone happened to be searching using a domain, located in Washington, D.C., with a "U.S. Senate Sergeant at Arms" ISP.

So I figure this is Mr. Sessions himself, or perhaps another senator or a Sessions aide or intern or something, just dicking around on the internet during Alito recesses (the hit came at 3:36, so I guess that means 4:36 eastern?) or after the day's hearing. Whoever it is, I'm sure, got quite a chuckle out of me calling the honorable Mr. Sessions an ineloquent fucktard.

But I feel that calling Mr. Sessions an ineloquent fucktard may be a little unfair. Calling him that makes him sound stupid but harmless, like some kind of brain-damaged terrier that runs around the coffee table for hours and nips at imagined insects, but never poses a threat to anyone else.

No, Mr. Sessions is a particularly vile and harmful type of ineolquent fucktard — the type to, even after Abu Ghraib and Red Cross reports and Ian Fishback and the McCain pleas for a torture amendment, crap out this morsel of anti-wisdom:

"We do not have a system of systematic abuse of prisoners going on by our United States military."

Truly, you have to be some kind of magnificent jackass to be able to say such a thing in the face of all the evidence to the contrary.

And sure enough, when time came to vote for the McCain amendment, which would have cemented the U.S. military's obligation to not treat its prisoners of war inhumanely, Sessions was among the nine upstanding, patriotic Republicans who voted against the measure.

Yes, "ineloquent fucktard" doesn't quite do Mr. Sessions justice. I know a lot of people poke fun at his country bumpkin accent, but I won't do that because I happen to sport one of those, too, and I know for a fact it doesn't automatically make you a despicable idiot of the caliber of Mr. Sessions. No, you have to work hard, wringing your hands over the unborn while giving the finger to the (poor or foreign) post-born, to rise to the heights of the ultimate in revolting Republicanism.

Welcome to Theology & Geometry, Mr. Sessions. I hope you visit again!


Blogger TVonthefritz said...

You called someone a fucktard?

Wed Jan 11, 01:09:00 PM  
Blogger theogeo said...


Fritz, how are you ever going to win the T&G No. 1 Reader Award if you don't memorize everything that I write??

Wed Jan 11, 01:19:00 PM  
Blogger TVonthefritz said...

I've been accused of not reading people's blogs. I would read your post about fucktards but I really need to piss out the liter of Pepsi I drank at lunch.

Wed Jan 11, 05:06:00 PM  
Blogger theogeo said...

Not a problem. 98.7 percent of everything I utter is forgettable. Even I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about most of the time.

Lucky you, I've decided to wash the spare room sheets for the weekend.

I just realized how weird that sounds in conjunction with your liter-pissing comment. I assure you, they're unrelated.

Wed Jan 11, 05:13:00 PM  
Blogger TVonthefritz said...

I'll piss all over your sheets. I was going to say something related to my Memphis sojurn. I'm excited though. I can't remember what I was going to say. If you're a good girl, I'll let you guest-blog at Tv on the Fritz.

Wed Jan 11, 06:22:00 PM  
Blogger phallicpen said...

To say you're an amazing writer won't do you justice, no. It might be better to call you a word rapist, a writer who forces the power from word after word, smattering the juice you've pooled from their collective force across the pages of your blog.

TV on the Joey, good luck in Memphis. I'm sure the Linzer Tart will show you a great time.

Thu Jan 12, 10:31:00 AM  

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