Thursday, January 5

A scary new T&G feature

Today I'm introducing a new Theology & Geometry feature:

Irrational Fears Proven Not So Irrational Thanks to a Story Linked on Fark

First up is a harrowing story about an elderly man who has been suffering from nocturnal spider bites from a giant effing tarantula ever since he brought a box of bananas home several weeks ago.

The 76-year-old man first noticed a large spider running out of a box of bananas he bought some weeks ago.
Police inspected his house in Newport, south Wales but found nothing. The man subsequently suffered two bites.

He finally spotted the spider early on Wednesday morning. The RSPCA is now trying to remove it from his home.

The arachnid is described as being as large as a human hand.

Yes, I harbor a fear of spiders that is so pervasive I check mesh bags of oranges for stowaways and inspect bunches of bananas for baby tarantulas. Had I been this old man and seen a spider escape from the box of bananas and disappear, I would have broken my lease and moved out, leaving all my shit behind. Simple as that.


Blogger phallicpen said...

Maybe that was its decoy!!

Thu Jan 05, 04:58:00 PM  
Blogger Wendy said...

If you ever get a sweet rent-controlled apartment in NYC and you see a rogue spider, you can bet I did it so I could get your place and your shit. But don't worry - you could still come visit.

Thu Jan 05, 05:01:00 PM  
Blogger J. R. said...

Having been to Newport, South Wales, I can assure that guy needs to leave the town. He should move to Swansea or Cardiff. Or Neath. Or Port Talbot. Or Ponty. Hell, the valleys are better than Newport.

That place is crap. I'm surprised there hasn't been a tarantula outbreak before now.

Um, yeah, it's 10 AM and I am still drunk.


Fri Jan 06, 03:55:00 AM  

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