I'm the last person in the world to see this movie

I finally saw The 40-Year-Old Virgin. I loved it. I watched it twice.

It's a damn smart film. It's well-written and quite quaint and moralistic in its messages, despite its ribald delivery.

You've got Andy, the virgin. He's shy and polite, well-groomed but eccentric. He lives a stereotypical bachelor's life, only without the promiscuity. (He has a sweet apartment with an awesome MST3K poster. There are also lots and lots of action figures in his life.) Andy isn't a freak. He's just a little introverted and weird, that's all. The "first time" just sort of got away from him, so he eventually stopped trying to make it happen.

Then one night he gets invited to play poker with his male co-workers. Jay is a womanizer who cheats on his girlfriend (admittedly because he's insecure), Cal is a meaty red-bearded stockboy with tattoes, and David is Paul Rudd, who always rules, though he plays a bitterly heartbroken cuckold. They are three typical jackass dudes who trade "Know how I know you're gay?" jokes while tapping furiously on video game controllers.

Once Andy's newfound friends realize he's never had sex, they make it their mission to supply him with game and get him laid. But their advice sucks — all of it. Be a jerk and do nothing but ask questions so the woman can talk about herself. Hit on drunk bitches — really drunk bitches. Wax your chest. Sleep with this transvestite prostitute. Take this huge box of porn and help yourself unwind. If you really like her, don't call her.

Andy does as they say and gets nowhere. The woman he's a jerk to ends up being kinda crazy and more interested in herself than in him. The drunk bitch pukes shellfish sandwich in his face. The chest waxing is hilarious but pointless and painful. The transvestite frightens him. The porn goes unused because Andy just isn't that into masturbating, so he watches "Everybody Loves Raymond" instead.

It's all downhill for Andy until, despite the "advice" from his pals, he just musters his courage and asks out the woman he really likes. And their relationship takes a turn for the sweet and old-fashioned when they decide not to have sex until their 20th date.

And that creates its own hilarious problems and hijinks.

I think Andy's completely easy to identify with for a lot of people, myself included. I'm not 40 or a virgin, but I feel more like a virgin than I do an experienced sex fiend. Like Andy, I'm a relatively modest inhabitant of this sex-drenched society. Like Andy, I feel like there are myriad more important things in life than the pursuit of flesh. And, like Andy, I often feel like a freak just for having that opinion.

So I guess it was nice to see Andy get what he wanted in the end: Not just some tail, but a solid connection with a smart woman (OK, a hot grandma). And sure, we got a ton of raunchy laughs during the journey, but I've never had anything against a dirty joke or two. Or thirty.