Friday's Feast -- Because I Have To Edition

It's Friday night. Do you know where your social life is?

Appetizer
What job would you definitely not want to have?
Anything involving blood or shit. Or small children. Or teenagers.

Soup
Oprah calls and wants you to appear on her show. What would that day's show be about?
It would be a celebration of Oprah's biggest fan.

Salad
Name 3 vegetables that you eat on a regular basis.
Ha! Lately I've been munching on baby carrots and lettuce. If pickles are a vegetable, they count. I don't normally make it a point to eat vegetables.

Main Course
If you were commissioned to rename your hometown, what would you call it?
No need to rename it, though I would encourage people to use its hilarious dirty nickname: "Sal's Tail Hole."

Dessert
If you had a personal assistant, what kind of tasks would you have them to do?
Pay my bills, go grocery shopping, get my car's oil changed, wake me up firmly but gently in the morning in a way no alarm clock can do. (Please don't read anything into that last one.)

This week's Feast is a rerun.