Tuesday, February 6

THIS JUST IN: Lesbians are HUMAN! says 'Tennessean' reporter

Ralph Loos, apparently just a simple hetero caveman blogger for The Tennessean, lowered himself into the seedy underbelly of a Local Lesbian BarTM for purposes of "research" Saturday night:

Perhaps I could learn something about social interaction by observing sytems other than my own. We heterosexuals think we have the best “hunt and gather” method on the planet. But what if we don’t? These are things I needed to know.

Apparently Ralph thinks that these elusive lesbian creatures go about dating in a completely alien manner that has, I surmise, heretofore been hidden to him because he has had no need or desire to pay any attention to members of the species who aren't open to having sex with him. And, while the High-Vulvar Lesbian Elder Committee decided many years ago that the community should drop the whole late-night-dancin'-naked-and-fat- around-the-fire-chanting-'Death-to-willies' mating ritual, it had never really caught on in this generation anyway, because everyone is too self-conscious for naked cavorting and chanting.

But it's all good, cuz Ralph eventually assuages his skittery audience's fear by assuring us that despite their important function as society's extreme Other, lesbians is good people.

Did I learn anything about dating at the lesbian bar? Time will tell. Their system of romancing seems pretty similar to our’s. They’re good people.

Thank God Ralph stumbled into the Local Lesbian BarTM to clear that up.


INSTANT UPDATE: I don't mean to imply that observing the dating techniques of various groups of people is not a worthy topic of inquiry, because obviously there is sociological value to it (though I guess you could argue about to what degree). My beef here is with the tone of the piece — the wilfully weirded-out hetero man venturing into that scariest of territories to him: A place where the women won't fuck men. It's sad and typical and pathetic and, frankly, played out.


Blogger TVonthefritz said...

Well, I'll be damned. i thought those muff divers were androids.

Tue Feb 06, 02:20:00 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

He actually said the natives are friendly, like their sime kind of unrefined tribe of a lost civilization. Phewy.

Tue Feb 06, 02:57:00 PM  
Blogger phallicpen said...

It's sad that we're doomed to see this kind of hesitant, condition-cluttered acceptance play out over the next decade or so. I feel like it's part of an integration process that doesn't even exist in arenas other than religion and politics.

If you're not with me, you're worthy of study. I suppose that's a bit better. I guess. I'm tired.

Tue Feb 06, 04:10:00 PM  
Blogger John H said...

What else is really sad is that this guy thought he was being funny and edgy. Brittney used the word 'silly' to describe what he had to say..I'll agree if silly=inane.

Maybe this would have been edgy in the 60s, but it still would have been patronizing BS even then.

Tue Feb 06, 04:45:00 PM  
Blogger grandefille said...

Why are we surprised at lame, silly blogs there? They have a DOG writing one, for heaven's sake.

I think he was just hopin' he'd get to see chicks making out without having to pay for it.

Speaking of which, marry me, Lindsey. We shall have cute snarky ferrets together. And we will praise your most excellent writing abilities to the heavens, a lot.

Tue Feb 06, 11:25:00 PM  

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