It is now officially 2003 for me

It might surprise no one and everyone -- I'm not sure which -- that I haven't yet read The Da Vinci Code -- that bastion of hypermarketed literary sensation. But I am in the process of remedying that egregious infraction, thanks in large part to Ashley lending me her hefty illustrated hardcover copy -- a volume that, as I lie in bed leafing through it, gives me occasional college-era flashbacks to a time when I would take a meaty textbook to bed only to abandon it ten minutes in because there was no greater sleep aid in my studently life than a dull and densely worded $300 textbook.

Tonight I will begin chapter fiveof Mr. Brown's magnum opus. My take on the book so far is that it is easier to read than a textbook, of moderate interestingness, and written as poorly as any potential novel I could possibly eke out would be. Dan Brown's love of modifiers rivals even my own (Dan Brown's pervasive love of copiously superfluous modifiers vigorously rivals even my own?)

Brown's prose style has been lambasted before by language enthusiasts whose opinions I value greatly. I have no qualifications that would merit my addition to the pile-on, but I'm gonna dive on top of the heap anyway.

So far, I find his writing style to lack grace and imagination. He uses lowest-common-denominator words that evoke not imagery but mere facts, despite the adjectivals and adverbials galore. His syntax is clumsy and, while I don't think he's necessarily a bad writer, I think he could use a stern and perspicacious editor who will approach his manuscripts with a red pen of Authority, making sure every word in the book belongs there and isn't there just because it was the first word Dan Brown thought of.

Of course, my opinion is moot. Dan Brown is a rich, rich man whose writing ability is inconsequential at this point. All he needs to know how to write is his signature on the back of a check. And I wonder how many modifiers he can fit back there...