In case your golf game needs something more interesting than golf

I'm not sure if this brilliant business venture has been lampooned by the feminist blogosphere yet (I did a quick Google search and didn't see anything on the first few pages) so I'm not sure if I'm a little late for the Mocktown Bandwagon, but it's cool, I've got my own ride.

Caddychicks is a company that will match you, the esteemed heterosexual male golfer (a sharp presumption on my part, for there is no mention of whether or not Caddychicks will coo and giggle and towel off grips for lesbian golfers or even straight female golfers who want some arm candy action), with a bright young girl (no mention of women, strangely enough) who is either one of those hot young college co-eds you hear so much about on late-night TV commercials or models looking for part-time work.

Presumably, these caddies give the golfers something fun to look at while performing the mind-numbingly dull task that is playing a round of golf. And lest you think that Caddychicks is going to pair weathered golf pros with clueless noobs (as opposed to the far more preferable clueless boobs), each Caddychick is required to pass a golf etiquette exam before getting out on the course.

It's stupid and insulting — profoundly so — but I'm all for the freedom for people to do stupid things as they wish, after all.

But here's the part of the deal that makes my head hurt:

We are an online service bringing back 500 years of golf tradition in a modern age. In an effort to introduce more women to the game of golf, and by utilizing the internet, we are allowing an otherwise diminishing tradition to be revived. As well as having more women enjoy the sport, we want bring back the way golf was meant to have been played. Walking, enjoying the course and the scenery. The top 200 or so players in the world have a caddy every time they play, we think the other 20 million golfers should be able to have the same opportunity.

We hope that by having trained caddies more readily available, we will be able to take golf back to the future.

Kaza-whaza-wha?

Can anyone explain to me what the fuck any of that means and why I am supposed to buy it? Seriously, this is a service to introduce more women to the game of golf? But the women don't actually play golf? They just stand around and look perky while the pathetic dudes who ordered them alternate their gazes between the tee and the A?

Give me a fucking break, Caddychicks, just say it: This is a service for people who want yet another way to extend their right to ogle attractive women into their boys' club leisure time.

And really, this is how golf was meant to be played? With a model carrying your clubs?

Jeebus.

You'll be excited to know that Memphis has 20 course with Caddychicks each readily available for your call.

During my research (the aforementioned 30 seconds of Googling), I found a snippet from this World Golf News story:

At caddychicks.com, golfers can book a female caddie for their next round of golf. CEO Mike Trahan, gives us the lowdown and says the only problem faced by the new venture is that demand is outweighing supply.

You think?

(It pains me, but I have to give the HT to Fleshbot, where I was reading up on Heatseek, the new porn browser that's got the sticky-palmed masses crying "revolution!" Don't click either link if you're at work, unless you work in a porn store.)