Fat, lazy, and bored

Veterinarians have determined that at any given moment, Felix is thinking 700 thoughts simultaneously, and all of them involve causing trouble.

No, this post isn't about me. Explicitly.

Phil took Gonzo to the vet today to see why his stomach is so swollen. And the vet says nothing is wrong; he's just fat, lazy, and bored.

So that's that.

As for Felix, well, his problems seem to have eclipsed Gonzo's. Where Gonzo is fat, lazy, and bored, Felix is spindly, anxious, and mischievous.

For example, right now, the Linoleum between the dishwasher and the refrigerator is doused with Tabasco sauce. Freak kitchen spice accident, you wonder? No, Tabasco is our current line of defense in the War on Felix Ripping Up the Insulation on the Side of the Dishwasher. It's a necessary war, and one that has been waged for a long time and continues unresolved, unfortunately. Our initial tactics — cardboard and duct tape barriers — kept out the nosy ferret for several months, but with increasing intensity and persistence, Felix has waged personal war against this cardboard barrier, slipping through or over it —miraculously — on many occasions. And his sneaky antics have resulted in a dishwasher whose insulation has been ripped to shreds on the left side. These sneaky antics also mean that Felix has an easy way up onto the counter if he climbs up the side of the shredded insulation. And the counter is the jackpot. A sink full of dishes and food residue, a purse with plenty of paper goods and interesting textures to scratch at, and tons of random things that are just asking to be knocked off into the floor.

So the Tabasco is our hail Mary, something to get us through the last week and a half in this apartment without having to confine Felix to the cage the entire time. Felix doesn't like the smell or taste of Tabasco, so he doesn't want to go over there and dance in it just to breach the cardboard barrier. Granted, the roaches may come out and swim in it at night, but out of sight, out of mind.