Virtual gifts

I stumbled upon this site far too late (my co-worker Holly told me about it) to get anyone's Christmas gift from here. However, it's not too late to hand out a few virtual gifts.



For Nick, nihilist chewing gum, to help ease the pain of realizing the world's turning to shit.



For Patrick (OK, actually Patrick's mom), the world's largest underpants. (Oooh, burn!)



For Brandon, this internet urinal. Because you know you need one. (I'd get one for myself, but they don't really seem optimized for females.



For Joey, this meat air freshener, to constantly remind you of the carnivore inside.



For Cheryl, this librarian action figure. She shushes noisy kids, she files, she types!



For Amber, this obsessive compulsive action figure, complete with gloves with which to open the package!



For Cox, this ceramic smoking baby. Because it's just so wrong and just so random.



For J.R., this leopard print flask, so you can take metrosexual to a whole new level.



For Wendy, this barista action figure, for all those hours you spent pulling espressos for ungrateful pricks.



For Amanda, the magic sarcastic ball, to help you deal with all the idiots you have to deal with.



For Marie, the smoking monkey notebook, because if this doesn't inspire you to write great poetry, nothing will.



For Kristin, these pug head beads. Because you know if I see something with a pug on it, I have to be annoying and point it out to you.



For Tamara, pee guy, to forever remind you of life in the country.



For Sarah, this Mozart action figure, because musical super heroes should be played with too.

Of course, you guys won't actually be getting this stuff. If I had limitless funds, you better believe this crap would be bumping along in a FedEx truck, making its way toward you right now. But, alas, I don't have limitless funds.

After rushing through this list, who have I forgotten?