Wednesday, November 23

Emo indie punk rock asymmetrical haircuts have to stop

Seriously. It's time we started speaking out against them. They're just wrong and embarrassing and we're going to look back and have explaining to do to generations of the future.

You see, grandson, our ironic angst exploded through our hair follicles and made the strands do crazy, inexplicable things, but we were too aloof and preoccupied with the strife of the Earth and the tingly fiber of our emotions to comb our hair regularly.

Just thumbing through an issue of Alternative Press or clicking through MySpace is enough to make me lobby for a bill to regulate hairstyles. On MySpace, you're never more than four clicks away from a debilitatingly offensive hairstyle. Or a shot of some 17-year-old with the camera pointed down her shirt. But mostly bad hairstyles.

Here's a handy manual I made to help you identify the really flagrant bad haircut offenders. I wanted to post a funny bulletin my co-worker Mark posted on MySpace regarding catastrophic coiffures, but the html was broken and I wasn't about to comb through it to fix it so that it didn't override my blog template. So I made up my own manual instead. Print it out and take it around with you — manual in one hand, scissors in the other — and do some community service.

The Eyepatch
The Eyepatch

The Cowlicks
The Cowlicks

The Explosion
The Explosion*

The Paintdrip
The Paintdrip

*One of the waiters at Chili's tonight sported this 'do, and I met him as he was coming out of the bathroom and I was going in. I thought a bush was exiting the door, until I realized it was some poor idiot's head.

20 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is hysterical!
Laura :)

Sun Jul 16, 02:51:00 AM  
Anonymous Indie kid said...

EMO!!!! ak i concider myself an indie all the way - H&M belt, green converse, drainpipes, the kilers and i find it OFFENSIVE that emo freaks like u should be allowed to walk the streets. BLACK IS SHIT!! get it into your head thayt blac shirts, baggy trousers, hair and converse that are black are NOT KOOL! fuking emo freak

Mon Jul 31, 08:38:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

bitch

Tue Sep 26, 03:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[Indie kid said...
EMO!!!! ak i concider myself an indie all the way - H&M belt, green converse, drainpipes, the kilers and i find it OFFENSIVE that emo freaks like u should be allowed to walk the streets. BLACK IS SHIT!! get it into your head thayt blac shirts, baggy trousers, hair and converse that are black are NOT KOOL! fuking emo freak]

... excuse me converse, drainpipes, the killers? have u ever thought that you might be an emo. i've never seen an 'emo' in baggy pants. shut the hell up.

Mon Feb 12, 01:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

first off. there is no such thing as an "emo".
emo is more like a state of mind, and a type of music.
not someone like "a goth".
second off, anyone who admits or thinks they're "indie" probably isn't.

Sat May 12, 11:22:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this is the gayest thing i have read in my life.
most people look better in asymmetrical haircuts. and most people won't change their haircut just so they won't be 'emo, indie, or punk'. personally, i hate symmetrical haircuts.
and 'black is shit'? hahaha. i guarantee you've worn black before. one day, little boy, you're gonna have to go to prom. and you're gonna have to wear a tux. and most tuxes are black. :]

Sun May 27, 09:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Bridget said...

{{Indie kid said...
EMO!!!! ak i concider myself an indie all the way - H&M belt, green converse, drainpipes, the kilers and i find it OFFENSIVE that emo freaks like u should be allowed to walk the streets. BLACK IS SHIT!! get it into your head thayt blac shirts, baggy trousers, hair and converse that are black are NOT KOOL! fuking emo freak}}

First off, saying you are 'indie' would be incorrect. Considering the true term of indie is when a band is on an independednt record label/undergroud ect. Thus, The Killers are no where near being indie, considering they've hit mainstream. If you think you're so indie do you listen to people like arcade fire, klaxons, annulas, yeah yeah yeahs? Second of all, if you think you were what I guess people consider an 'indie' style, I don't remember green converse and H&M being an 'indie' store to go to. If you find it offensive that people who are different walk the streets, then why shouldnt we feel offensive if YOU walk the streets, if you are 'indie', that is.

Mon Jul 16, 12:11:00 PM  
Anonymous Ashley said...

you are all dumb. why label yourself?

Wed Aug 01, 03:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fuck that, prep.
suck it up, people are people
deal with it, and btw, whos to say what kinda haircut someone should have. you know what?? MAYBE everyone should be bald, no hair, no argument, right? and wtf, offended by hairstyles??? god save you, before you're offended by "hello"

Mon Aug 06, 03:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

everything about this, post and comments included, makes me think this might be the stupidest high school tripe i have ever read. making fun of "emo" haircuts? omg. is it 2002? arcade fire being "indie?" jesus christ people. arguing about this stuff, what is indie, what is not, etc. is so fucking futile. move on to eleventh grade and think about something else.

Sun Sep 16, 10:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lawlz.

Learn to take a joke and have a sense of humor.

Also, to the gal who made this, I do hope to see you bashing other trends as they pop up. :D

Because we all know once something's mainstream IT IS THE DEVIL!

Fri Sep 28, 10:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awwww... you're all adorable. Emo was something thats looonnng gone... most likely it was gone before most of you were old enough to attend underage shows... think Yo la Tengo, Sunnyday Real Estate and Hush Harbor. BUT its super cool that people still talk about it cause us originals are ooold now, really. I love asymmetrical anything, and also love other styles too - its ALL good. Expression through ones look is a beautiful thing. Expression through any means is a privilege. Appreciate it and quit being bitches/haters, focus on what you can do in your short time that is amazing.

Sat Oct 13, 09:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yeah, those haircuts you explained are overdone and everybody has one. but as a hairstylist i can say that there are way more that are better looking and not completely retarded. p.s. quit your bitching no one really cares anyways.everyone knows most indie/emo/scene douchebags need to die.

- random hairstylist

Mon Jan 07, 10:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol who cares let people do whatever htey want with there hair and leave them alone. It's not going to kill anyone. geez,

Fri Jan 11, 08:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

these comments are cruel. RESPECT. thats all i have to say. i also have to say that "gansters" are the worst people i have saeen in my life for all of u who wrote those comments.

Thu Jun 26, 01:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

black rocks. everyone has to ware black sometime any way, so stop making a big deal about it. if u say these comments to peoples faces, ur gunna get killed man.

Thu Jun 26, 01:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Jesssssss :) said...

What happened to hairstyle reflects personality?

Labeling is pathetic. We're all homosapiens, at the end of the day.

I think everyone should have the right to dress and wear their hair as they choose and people should stop worring about everyone else and find something more important to do :)

Wed Sep 24, 01:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

o.O Wow...ever hear of a little thing called "self expression?" What if I said "Regular haircuts need to stop. Everyone needs to have punk hair." That's how ridiculous you sound. People aren't walking around naked they're having cool HAIR. You're seriously speaking out against HAIRSTYLES? How about you post about something that really matters in life.

Mon Mar 22, 11:49:00 PM  
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