[Strange things reside in old hard drives]

1. Things I learned from watching commercials. Oct. 24, 2004:

+ Social insecurity can be solved by Jif.
+ Camera phones know how to find cool people.
+ Plastic saves people’s lives.
+ “Strong” women stand on Mannington floors.
+ The oak furniture salesman really cares about my financial well-being.

2. Stream of consciousness. 12:28 a.m. April 12, 2004.

The books have me all figured out.
I’m a grammatical elitist,
A disaffected youth
A concerned internet connoisseur
And in search of a social barometer.
I delight in affirming that the cover
Is worthy of my judgment
Scorn or praise.
I can take camp and flip it to kitsch.
Thank god I have roadmaps on my bookshelf.

+++

Fill-up: $32

This time next year I'll look back and laugh that it was below $3.50 a gallon. I hope we're in hovercars by then. Hovercars that run on cigarette smoke.

+++

My sister asked me to be her maid of honor today. I didn't know she was getting married. I'm still not sure that she is. There's no date, but she seems to think it's going to happen sooner than later. I mean, she's already signing her name with her boyfriend's last name, so I kind of expected it. I haven't been to a wedding in the family since her last one more than ten years ago. I went to a couple while in college. And I found out today that Courtney from high school is getting married next June. Let's hear it for all the potential breeders! Perhaps they can do something to reverse that supposedly depressing trend of single-person household-dom. Hat tip: Memphis Scene.

+++

So I hear we might be getting a cat. I'm open to the experience of having another cat. My only reservation is that I don't want to have to pony up a deposit (upwards of $300) and then tack $20 on to the rent every month for pet rent. And you can't hide a cat because even the fattest, laziest cats still find a way to bask in window sills where maintenance men and apartment-complex managers can see them. But this cat needs a home and is neutered and has his shots and is apparently pretty laid-back and easygoing, according to Phil. The owners left him at Phil's clinic, I think, and he needs some dental work done. But supposedly the clinic is willing to do the work, bill the previous owners, and let Phil take the cat home.

In order to fit in here, Howie will have to defer all matters to Felix and Gonzo, who will defer matters back to him once they get in a good few sniffs of him and go back to sleep.

The last cat I had was Phoebe. Phil got her from a co-worker at Weed—I mean Wing Zone. She was nuts. The first night we had her, she balled up in the cat house and hissed and swiped at anything that came near her. She gave the ferrets a few good smacks. She didn't come around and let us hold her for several days. And she wouldn't tolerate the ferrets until one day Gonzo crept up and laid down right beside her. She accepted his peace gesture and then they all became big friends.

But she got so out of hand that we eventually gave her back to the woman we got her from. She had taken to shitting in the bathtub when she had the chance, and when you slept, she slept on your head and sucked her tail loudly, right in your ear. She had some separation anxiety problems and would tear stuff up in the apartment while you weren't there. But she was sweet. Aw, now I miss having a cat.

+++

I want to thank Cox for putting my rant on Souther Scholar. The thought that we're leaving Iraqi women with fewer freedoms than they had before we invaded is sickening. Knowing that some people don't understand why this is a dealbreaker makes me lose faith in humanity.