Monday, December 19

Some of this swag could be yours

I'm in debt
The amount you love others can be measured by how much credit-card debt you have

The shopping is mostly done. Mostly. There are a couple of people who I'm not quite done with yet. Here's hoping I can carve out some time this coming week to finish up. But I had a successful run. I used a quarter tank of gas going all over town, trying to find the right useless shit for the anything-but-useless people in my life.

Strangely, it seems Cox and I are both having trouble with our common-sense lobes. While he's out in the country trying to electrocute himself and getting stuck in some poor shmuck's yard, I'm nearly rear-ending a big blue minivan in the Wendy's drive-thru. Yes, I I forgot what I was doing and initiated one of those full-body stretches, taking my foot off the brake and not noticing until my bumper was a nanometer from the tailpipe of the van in front of me. They were leaning out to get their food. Just imagine the whiplash that occurs when you're reaching out for some tasty square patties of meat and some stupid airhead thunks into your big Caravan's ass.

And then imagine the ass beating you give to that airhead. She deserves it, really.

Why am I allowed to go outside?

2 Comments:

Blogger Your friendly Maytag repairman said...

It's funny you mention my ineptitude... I once rear-ended a woman (just barely!) in the McDonald's drive-through in Hendersonville a few years back. They all threw their hands up and screamed, and I couldn't help that the driver got mad because I couldn't stop laughing.

Tue Dec 20, 02:34:00 AM  
Blogger theogeo said...

You and me, we should be confined to padded rooms. Separately, of course. Think of the retarded risk that would grow exponentially if we were in a room together.

Tue Dec 20, 10:44:00 AM  

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