The world is your oyster and your virginity is the pearl
This is the best Web site ever. You can go there, answer a few questions, and get your virginity back. Go there and get yours back today! I even sent them a little message so they would understand my plight. God, I love my plight.

Oh god. I hate life. I have tried remedying this by using anti-depressants, drugs, alcohol, everything. It must be that I lack my virginity that I am so unhappy with this situation. It certainly isn't that I live in a society obsessed with commodifying every morself of self and exploiting it for a cheap, quick profit. That's why I'm glad that I can get my virginity back for free. From a Web site. From people I don't know. Thank God for small miracles. And quaaludes.