Saturday, April 12


aaaaand the cable has been cut

I knew it was coming. But, man, I held out an irrational hope that it wouldn't actually happen. And like all irrational hopes, this one was dashed. Dashed!
So, my downstairs neighbors are relocating to another unit in the building because they recently had a baby and it's damned hard to survive with a newborn in a one-bedroom apartment. From what I understand of the parenting world, you need a spare room to occasionally lock yourself inside and scream. Or maybe you lock the baby in there and let it scream. Whatever. Specifics. I don't care for them that much.

Anyhoo, so the neighbors are moving. This is great news for me — not because I don't like them or anything — but because it lets me off the hook for the middle-of-the-night shenanigans that invariably happen in this apartment thanks to my odd work schedule and my cats' insistence upon playing hyper-tag every morning at 3 a.m. So I've been reveling in my ability to walk around without tiptoeing and I've even let my cats wrassle at midnight without spitting profanities at them. It's been great!

Er, was great, until my former neighbor reminded me the other day that their moving also means the cable will be transferred to their new apartment. Which means no cable for me. Perhaps you remember this incident, in which I tried to get cable, but couldn't. The neighbors, a few weeks after I tried in vain to get my own cable, graciously offered to share theirs with me. Which I'm pretty sure is only illegal in communist China, because I TRIED to pay for cable and was told by the cable dudes themselves that it wasn't going to be worth the wait. So for the past two years I've been sharing cable with the neighbors and now they're gone and *poof* so is the cable.

This would be a lot more palatable if my remote worked and I could at least use my DVD player. I've got Netflix envelopes stacking up and a ton of movies/TV show DVDs I could watch. But no. My TV is stuck in cable mode. I guess I need to hunt for a universal remote.

In the meantime, this means no more VH1 countdown shows, no more hilarious rape-themed movies on Lifetime, no more over-wrought episodes of CSI, no more Paranormal State, no more 13-hour ANTM marathons that render me unable to move, no more Real World/Road Rules challenges, no more INFOMERCIALS. You may think I'm better off for it, and you may be right, BUT YOU'RE WRONG. Cable makes me what I am. It connects me to the rest of humanity's lazy contingent. It gives me ideas and pisses me off. Cable is life.

Ha! I'm kidding. I know plenty of people who survive and even thrive with no cable. Hell, I've gone through periods without cable. That summer in Birmingham, the first several months I lived here, the first few months I lived on my own in M'boro, many many months during my formative years (although we did have illegal satellite for a time when I was a pre-teen). I can do it. I can do it.

I just don't want to.

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Blogger Lesley said...

Man, I loved my satellite dish. If I had a clear view of the southern sky (damn trees!), I'd have one now. Because cable in my old neighborhood was about as reliable as a '94 Dodge Neon. Sure, in a strong storm, I'd lose my signal, but it would be back as soon as the storm passed. Unlike my neighbors who had cable--a storm would come through and it would be days until they had TV again.

Luckily for Comcast, there aren't as many service issues here. But holy Christ, cable is expensive. So I have my internet (slower than my DSL was) and rabbit ears (for now).

Sat Apr 12, 07:20:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, maybe this means you might find time to ...

wait for it... WAIT FOR IT...



Sat Apr 12, 12:59:00 PM  
Blogger Tangential said...

This is all part of my evil plot to get you hooked on World of Warcraft! MUAHAHAHA!

Sat Apr 12, 03:00:00 PM  
Blogger sarah saint said...

Oh, man. I don't know what I would do. Especially with RoL2 being down to the final two now (Daisy and Ambre. Go Ambre!!). Amazing. I went all through high school and into married life not watching cable. Now it's up there with rent in terms of importance.

Sat Apr 12, 06:22:00 PM  
Blogger theogeo said...

Lesley, are you talking one of those big, honkin' Chevy-sized dishes? I grew up with a satellite dish like that. In the front yard.

Rabbit ears are on my Radio Shack list. Along with a universal remote.

PT, we just discussed this on the phone. SEND IT ON; I'M READY!!!

T, all I need is a sponsor who will supply me with a souped-up PC, then I'M IN.

SS, I have a feeling I won't be catching Brett Michaels' "whassa goin' on"s until RoL3 and 4, which you know are inevitable. Keep me posted on who wins. Ambre's the big-lipped lady, right?

Sun Apr 13, 02:30:00 AM  
Blogger sarah saint said...

Oh, no no. That
s Daisy. Ambre is the one I've been rooting for all along. She's the oldest and normal-est. (Relatively...I mean, she is on this show.) She hasn't yet taken off her top or started a fight or tried to have on-camera nookie with Bret. I think he may have a real winner here. That is, if he doesn't succumb to Daisy's youth...and huge lips. I'm afraid it's just not in ol' Bret to see the sense in hanging with a lady from his own generation.

I'm going to stop. Before I start really analyzing these people, I'm going to just stop.

Sun Apr 13, 08:46:00 AM  
Blogger Michael Roy Hollihan said...

Get a move on. New Venture Brothers in June.

Mon Apr 14, 12:33:00 AM  

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