Tuesday, April 10

Dear God, my family can hear my biological clock

I suspected this would happen soon. Where I'm from, a woman doesn't hit 25 with no marriage prospects and get away with it without intense scrutiny. I have a feeling mine has just begun.

Exhibit A: We're sitting around the living room, channel surfing, when my mom goes, "You know, I was just thinking. I was your age — no, I was 23! — when I met your dad and got married." I saw where she was going, so I finished the train of thought for her: "Yep, and you were my age when you had me." She lit up. "Yep!" she said, smiling. I told her I couldn't imagine how she had handled all that in her mid-twenties (she already had my sister by then). And truly, I think it's a miracle that she did. Would I be able to do what she did? No.

Exhibit B: While at the bank drive-thru, the teller passed a photo of her baby to my dad, who passed it around the truck to my mom and my grandmother and me. My grandmother showed it to me and said, "Awww, doesn't this make you want one?" No.

Exhibit C: As I was getting ready to leave and drive back to Memphis and I was explaining to my mom about having to pick up my key from Phil, my mom said, with a hint of disappointment, "So, you and Phil are never going to get married, are you?" No.

Every day I wonder about how that part of my life is going to pan out. When I was in high school, I wanted to do it like my mom had done it (sans having kid No. 1 at 17): Marry at 23, breed at 25. I'm not sure at what point it became crystal clear to me that my life trajectory wasn't going to resemble those of the women in my formative community. All I know is that the longer I wait to move toward settling down, the less I actually want to make that leap.

Still, I feel the slightest pangs of trepidation and regret; I feel like there is a hole in our family that could be neatly and sweetly filled by new life. I feel like I should — if I am going to at all — have a child while my only remaining grandparent is still alive, and while my own parents are still in relatively good health. But those aren't great reasons to have kids, especially when you're deathly afraid of childbirth and imparting your neurotic impulses to a defenseless little fleshy tabula rasa. And you're not sure who exactly you'd want to breed with. And you sneeringly refer to having kids as "breeding."

See, it's all wrong right now. I don't know if it will ever be right. I suspect the timing will be all off no matter when it actually happens. It usually is. But I'm hoping the family will lay off me, or maybe start pestering my brother to propagate our genes. It's time; he's nearly twenty*.

*denotes mild sarcasm

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Blogger TVonthefritz said...

At least you don't have these conversations with your parents while stoned. I was stoned at the laundromat the other day (don't most of my stories start this way?) and these kids were running around while I was talking to my Dad on the phone. "I'm so glad that I'm gay and don't have to put up with this bullshit," I said accidently. My Dad was heartbroken and I felt like an asshole.

Tue Apr 10, 01:22:00 AM  
Blogger 'Coma said...

This is going to sound weird.
I found out I couldn't have kids when I was 21. I probably would have had some if the plumbing had worked but ...
Another story, another time.
My point is that I didn't have to go through it. And now the dogs are the grandpuppies and it works pretty well.
Of course, My sister did the breeding so that worked out well.
TV, I've said things similar to that and broken the dad's heart on occasion. I do feel your pain here.
I really do.

Tue Apr 10, 01:35:00 PM  
Blogger phallicpen said...

Television, you're totally going to have to put up with that bullshit. Love will find a way.

El Punta, as I type this Maevis is standing at my feet meowing like I owe her some serious cash. I'm responding by singing a song about cutting her. These kinds of interactions would never work with an actual human. I'm sure you suffer the same affliction.

That said, you have tons of time to spread those hip bones. And your granny is clearly going to stick around until you do. So take your time.

Check your e-mail for an unpublishable comment. It's much too vulgar to share.

Tue Apr 10, 04:27:00 PM  
Blogger fearlessvk said...

i can't believe at 25 people even use words like "spinster" - i'm 29, absolutely no prospects of marriage anywhere on the horizon, and the concept of a ring actually scares the crap out of me. one of the things about the south that truly does alarm me is how young people are when they get married and when they have kids. there is something to be said for experiencing your 20s with the relative freedom that singlehood/"spinsterdom" affords us.

...i wouldn't have had my 20s any other way. i had some good times....

btw, we're overdue for wasting money on another crappy movie. and i have more vegetables to throw at you.

Tue Apr 10, 06:01:00 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

I'm still waiting to cross that bridge myself. I've waited so long now that I'm simply out of the mood. I think my "kids" all have 4 legs and fur.

Wed Apr 11, 08:42:00 AM  
Blogger La C. said...

My mom bugs me about having kids. I am married so it's automatically expected that I will start popping them out after I graduate, hell before I graduate. I threatened to get more dogs to fill her need for grandchildren and she stopped bugging me about it.

Wed Apr 11, 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger shannon said...

Heck, I feel like a spinster at 22. It feels like everyone in my program either is married or has a ring(mostly under 30s)

Wed Apr 11, 01:40:00 PM  
Blogger mike said...

Hah! Buncha whiny pikers. I'm 50, never married, no kids. Suck it. :-)

Fri Apr 13, 12:25:00 AM  

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