A man named Jupiter from a place called Nova

Phone rings.

Me: Hello?

Phil: Hey. What are you doing?

Me: Photoshoppin' stuff.

Phil: I tried to call you earlier but didn't get through.

Me: Oh, my music's up. Probably didn't hear it.

Phil: I have a funny story for you. I think I was abducted last night.

Me: Oh, god.

Phil: I woke up this morning and—

Me: Your butt was bleeding?

Phil: Ha, no. I went to bed last night and when I woke up this morning to go to work, I was running kinda late, and stumbling around to brush my teeth and pee, and I reach for the dick hole (yes, "dick hole"), and I noticed that my underwear was on backward.

Me: Um?

Phil: That happens a lot to abductees. They either wake up missing an item of clothing or their underwear is on backward.

Me: So you think aliens are too stupid to put people's underwear back on the correct way?

Phil: No, they're not stupid. They just don't know any better.