Saturday, October 13

Thinking

It's finally jacket weather. I don't know how long it will last, but I'm doing my best to savor every second of it before the requisite late-October-backlash, during which them temps will creep back up into the 90s. Or at least the high 80s, with plenty of humidity.

I'm drinking Woodchuck Draft Cider (Granny Smith). I'm trying to work my way up to beer, which I have always really hated. I'm not sure why I'm drinking this puckery cider, except that beer's cheaper than wine and I figure if there's ever a time to try new things, it's now.

The weather's changing; can't I change right along with it?

I'm into chicken salad now. And I like hummus. And last week I had two cups of coffee.

Does this mean I'm finally entering adulthood? Oh for Christ's sake, I hope not.

When the weather cools down I tend to overthink things.

Like the new Radiohead album. I've been trying to describe it to people. I can't come up with anything helpful, other than, get it, it's good. I've got it and the new Tegan and Sara on a loop. It is the height of narcissism and serendipity when music happens along at a time that makes sense in your life. The words, the sounds, all of it. Better than I could have planned, this time around.

I'm just now settling back into my old routine, despite the luggage and clothing and sand strewn on my bedroom floor. I need to do laundry. I went to the grocery last night. The routines, they keep me grounded. But they also bore me to death.

I just scratched a travel itch and now I've got another. I'll write about that in a bit.

I didn't have any grand revelations on my vacation, but I did realize (further) that I have a lot of work to do on myself. My self-doubt can be fucking toxic. My sense of self-worth seems to shift depending on who I'm around. Too often I assign myself the role of weakest link. I am ultimately confused about my life and the direction I'd like to take it in.

And I'm perpetually wondering what the frick is up with my romantic life and what kind of ceremonial dance I need to do to figure out what I want and how to get it.

Another year is about to slide off the calendar. The question I can't keep from surfacing in my head is, Did I waste it?

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4 Comments:

Blogger La C. said...

f you think you wasted your year you should just revisit your blog. Nothing is ever wasted, sometimes what is gained isn't so obvious.

And its frickin' freezing here. It got down to 37 last night. YES!

Sat Oct 13, 09:29:00 AM  
Blogger phallicpen said...

Did I make you feel that way? Feeling squeamish...

Sat Oct 13, 05:28:00 PM  
Blogger theogeo said...

La, you're right. I'm just being assy. Wish I could blame it on PMS, but I can't. Bah.

37! Holy crap! That's awesome.

PP, no, my love! Not at all. I'm just fucked up and still not comfortable in my own skin, no matter who I'm around. I don't know if I ever will be. But I have got to get over it or else I'll be hating myself until the day I die. And what good will that do me?

Sat Oct 13, 05:35:00 PM  
Blogger phallicpen said...

Hmmm. If you were Maevis, would you shit on my rug?

You're terrific. What choice do you have but to love yourself?

Sat Oct 13, 10:04:00 PM  

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