Monday, August 13

Life

Let me tell you something about my life, internet.

It's fucked.

I mean, my life is great in a lot of ways, blah blah obligatory qualifications hooey. I have my health, my freedom, my family, and some truly amazing people in my life. But my life is — and I am — fucked up in ways that are just stupid and frustrating and constant and epic.

I have had the kind of week — okay, past few weeks, months, years, etc. — that I wish I could vomit up. Like a tequila-soaked worm. Just get it out of my gut and flush it and pretend it didn't exist.

I am ready to move past this phase of my life. The ennui, the uncertainty, the guilt, the fear, the loneliness, all of it. I need a rebirth. A renaissance. A lobotomy. Something.

There is so much work to be done in me but I feel like time is wasting, sand grains are dropping and still I sit, immobile, unable to figure out what steps to take to make myself happy, much less actually take them. And with each day that passes, I see more and more of the parts of myself that I don't like growing. (Is there a better way to phrase that? Probably. Eh.)

And I am so fucking tired of worrying about how things are going to end up that I can't stop fantasizing about moving to a city with cliffs so I can go take a flying leap off of one.

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4 Comments:

Blogger RJA said...

You should have a bunch of kids, that seems to simplify things.

Mon Aug 13, 06:55:00 AM  
Anonymous Lesley said...

You sound bored. You need some drama and excitement in your life.

Mon Aug 13, 08:40:00 AM  
Blogger Squeaky Wheel said...

I'm with Lesley. I feel that exact same way a lot (LJ Emo is my game, baby), but it disappears once I have something to occupy my time.

Hope you feel better.

Mon Aug 13, 09:14:00 AM  
Blogger TVonthefritz said...

I feel like this everyday, too. Honestly, I think it's just the travails of being a twentysomething. Everyone feels this way. This blog post sums up my life exactly.

Oprah says that once you hit 50 you're able to see the little trickles that lead you there and everything makes sense. She's never lied to me before.

Tue Aug 14, 12:12:00 AM  

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